Life's Adventures
Back to After 50 Home Page

By Wendy Mednick

Scars are not reminders of what's been broken
But what has been created

“ We are an extraordinary collection of atoms trying to find a way through life”
-Chemical Hearts-

Do we tend to think of scars as ugly, or imperfect, maybe they are just what we want to hide or forget? How many of us look back over the years reminiscing of who we used to be, is that really who we are today? The answer will only be known when you are comfortable with who you are now. Perhaps the question is are scars evidence of our healing or our wounds?

Invisible to the naked eye are our emotional scars. The painful stories we carry around, they weigh us down throughout life unless we find a palace to store them or let them go. The emotional stories are the painful stories from events that hurt us, stories of grief and heartache,as well as loss. Emotional trauma is the result of extremely stressful events that leave us feeling unsafe and disconnected from everyone around us. They can leave you feeling helpless, powerless and overwhelmed. For many, they may also experience painful feelings and memories as well anxiety that will not go away.

Scars of our hearts, and ones left in our minds are souvenirs of past events, they become part of our stories. Some wounds and scars take more than a lifetime to heal. Chemicals in the brains of teenagers drive them to make decisions that tear them away from the safety of their childhood, and then drag them into the wilderness of adulthood. “Love”, defined as a chemical reaction that comes and goes. Do we react to love that same way throughout our life? It is a different reaction, feeling, and emotion for all of us. Heartbreak, a chemical reaction as well that comes and goes, one we all process differently. Your brain adjusts and your body chemistry changes, and then returns to a normal state. However, for some, those scars caused from heartbreak may be carried forever, and oftentimes into adulthood.

Scars, whether they are emotional or physical, are reminders of our past, where we have been in our lives. Physical scars from surgeries or those physical mishaps, have their own stories. We carry them forever and at times have our own stories about them. Perhaps they stay with us as a visual to keep us reminded of our own resilience as we go through life. Are our scars evidence of actual wounds or our healing? The healing starts when we believe, although still feeling self conscious about our scars, that we need to not let that reduce you to just the scar. Believe that outsiders are focused and looking at you as a whole person, and not they are not focused on your physical scars.

Do we wonder if healing from our wounds whether physical or emotional is really possible? Can we truly heal from past trauma, a broken heart, rejection or depression? Many times we feel so broken and defeated that the mere task of reinventing yourself and your life feels overwhelming. Some have their doubts that we can ever heal from our emotional scars. It is never too late for change to happen. You can become the best version of yourself, happier, and healthier in ways you may have never imagined. It becomes about not repeating unhealthy behavior and relationships, retraining your brain to rid those negative and distorted thoughts. Emotional wounds and the healing process is possible. Be patient, allow for time to gain new insight, and skills to allow that change. Persistence, continuing a course of action in spite of its difficulty or opposition. This process takes time, and takes baby steps. Too many changes all at ones may backfire and erase all the hard work you have accomplished. Setting unrealistic expectations is a recipe for failure, dramatic changes are often unsustainable. Taking change one step at a time will allow you to notice small improvements in your life. Your mood will improve, coping will become easier, a rise in self-esteem and eventually a stronger improved version of yourself. We do not have to heal 100% to improve the quality of our life. Emotional healing does not have to be all or nothing. It is not accurate to believe we can compltely heal. Even small amounts of healing will improve your quality of life.

Working on emotional healing takes time and energy and alot of it. You need to pay attention to your feelings, your physical reactions. Your body will tell you what it needs, take time for self care. Scars from the past can truly become part of your past life experiences. The healing process starts when you begin to feel them and give them space so they can lose their power over us, and thus putting and keeping them in the past. When possible don't be ashamed to reach out for help, it has many benefits for your emotional well being. It helps to break down the shame carried within us. Self-care can come in so many ways, but finding what suits you best is the key to start the healing process. Some believe that it is not possible to rid themselves of their psychological scars. Perhaps it is about learning to put those difficult experiences into perspective, learning how to reframe your past stories. This will help in the process of moving forward. Psychology Today author, John-Manuel Andriote states, we all have scars, on our bodies and in our hearts. We don't have to tell the stories of our scars as evidence of wounds, instead see them as proof of healing.

“I am healing one day at a time, I am learning to be me”

Stay well………Stay Happy

Wendy Mednick was born and raised in Western NY and holds a BS/MA from SUNY Buffalo/SUC Buffalo. She has 25 plus years in Business Development,Sales,Project Management as well as volunteer work in the Not-for-Profit community. She can be reached @ WFM662@Gmail.Com